In my very first post, I talked about not opening the mail because I didn’t have the money to pay the bills, so it didn’t make sense to open them. My health has been steadily improving. Two months ago, we had a big storm. Shingles blew off, the downspout flew off the roof and onto the ground. There was a significant flood in my downstairs bedroom. The room is supposed to be finished tomorrow. I’m very thankful the damage to the room is being covered by insurance.
The roof. It’s not covered. All of the estimates have been $12,000, with the exception of the one by the guys who painted my house but haven’t ever done a roof. Aside from the fact that I don’t have $10,000 in my back pocket either, I don’t think saving $2,000 to have someone do a job they have no experience doing makes a lot of sense. The chapter 13 bankruptcy court doesn’t allow me to have a loan until it’s completed in 24 more months. The roof won’t last 24 months. Competing in the Northwest Bodybuilding competition kept me busy. The last several weeks before the show were really intense from continuing the cancer treatments, increasing cardio, changing my workouts, meticulous tracking of my diet, forcing myself to drink water as well as being a single mom and working full-time. It kept me from worrying about the damage.
After the show…
About a week after the show, the lump in my head came back. If you’ve read my past blogs, you remember I’ve been dealing with recurrent melanoma for the last 9 years. Along with the lump came daily headaches – feels like I used a ponytail holder as a headband, blurry vision in my left eye and an overall yucky feeling. I still get up at 4:30 and do 2 hours of treatments before I get ready for work. I still go to the gym 5 days/week. I still go with my dog and my kid on walks almost daily. I worked overtime on my day off this week. I’m still eating fairly clean. Too clean for most!
I know the stress of the roof is contributing if not completely causing me to get sick again. Some days the pressure is so great it makes me think “is living really worth it?” It only lasts a minute, then I find something to be grateful for to pull myself out of it. I got a “door tag” yesterday for not paying my water bill. I have the money to pay my normal expenses, but the roof thing has spiraled me back to not opening my mail again. Now that I’ve recognized it, I pulled out the unopened envelopes and will take care of them tomorrow. I know not to worry about things, but haven’t figured out how to do it.
Being stressed out about money, someone stole my jeans (with cash in the pocket) at the gym last week. I love my body and what I’ve accomplished with my diet and workouts. But… models don’t have big round butts without a big round stomach to match. The levi’s relaxed fit are the only ones I’ve found. If anyone knows of jeans that will fit long legs, a muscle butt and a flat stomach, let me know. Costco didn’t have anything long under size 10. The levi’s store didn’t even have the 550’s. Gotta go to bed. Gonna have fun, exciting dreams!
Love, gratitude and blessings!!
Susan
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson
Filed under: alternative treatments, cancer, chronic fatigue, colon cleansing, exzema, fibromyalgia, health, internal cleansing
I’ve been asked a few times lately about my “coffee”. So, here it is…
1quart purified or distilled water 3-4 T organic coffee (I buy whole beans and fine grind 2-3 cups at a time)
Bring to boil for 5 minutes, then simmer for 15 minutes. Cool to – I don’t know, just let it cool off some. I then ozonate it for 15 minutes – 30 if it’s still too hot. I don’t know of anyone else who does that, made it up myself. Last thing I want to do is burn myself, so I always make sure it’s under 98 degrees. If I haven’t pooped in the last 8 hours, I always do a chlorophyll enema first. If you’ve ever watched me cook, you know I don’t measure anything. I just fill the enema bag with ozonated water, then pour some liquid chlorophyll in it. Let gravity work and pour it in. Hold it 10-15 minutes, then spit it out. I’ve never had a problem holding it, but probably best to set up camp on the bathroom floor really close to the toilet. I spilled chlorophyll on a few things – it doesnt wash out. Good news though, if you shart your pants with chlorophyll still in you, the green is so bright, you can get away with saying you must have sat on something. No one will ever know. Plus – are they gonna believe you if you told them you filled your butt with chlorophyll anyway? Okay, back to the coffee. Fill the enema bag with the ozonated body temperature or cooler coffee. Hold it for 15 minutes or more. I’ve fallen asleep on the bathroom floor, only to wake up an hour later with no need to let anything out of the back door, but a really full bladder. Amazing how our bodies work! Probably the best colon/liver/gall bladder cleanse available. And nobody has to know about it. Well, not a secret in my world. There’s lots of information out there as to “why”. I’ll have more in my book.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
Filed under: Inspiration, Laughing, alternative treatments, coaching, health
Mukilteo lighthouse just right of Cameron's head
Cameron took a sign reading “FREE HUGS” to the Mukilteo Lighthouse Parade and Festival. I made the sign, but it was his idea for me to drop him off so he could work the crowd, looking for hugs. He must have hugged over 200 people. Later in the day, we saw 2 other teenagers who had taped “FREE HUGS” signs to their shirts. There was lots of hugging and laughter. I stood back and watched. People would approach him, point at the sign and open their arms for a hug. Someone asked if they could take a picture of me in my WonderWoman outfit with the “free hug” kid. People who don’t know us, didn’t know he’s my kid. He was so excited to see what it’s like to make people smile and laugh, with the added benefit of hugs! He now understands why I AM WonderWoman. Partly selfish because of the benefits, making people happy, makes me happy!
The fear of rejection will stop most people from ever being a super hero or carrying a “free hugs” sign. They’re missing out. Yes people make mean comments. There are lots more people wanting to be happy than there are sticks in the mud.
He’s my kid. I’m so blessed! Happy Birthday Cameron!! I Love you!!!
Love, gratitude and blessings to all!
Susan
Filed under: Inspiration, alternative treatments, bodybuilding, cancer, coaching, fitness, health, sport specific training
This video came at the perfect time! Yesterday happened because I needed to figure out what I was afraid of. Just because I’m afraid of something doesn’t mean I’m going to stay away from it! I don’t need obstacles, but welcome the small challenges because they are the things that allow (well, kinda force) me to grow. I hope she inspires you too!
Check it out:
http://muscle-balance-training.com/blog/424/susan-stone-female-body-builder/
Back to ho’oponopono…I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you. I didn’t just over-react, I totally lost it! I’m doing everything I know to do to be/stay healthy. For whatever reason…things still aren’t right. I’m going back to Mexico for over a week of more treatments. This is my 4th trip, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. I’m mostly well, actually I’m probably healthier than anyone I know. I’m just lucky to know about the cancer to be able to do my best to fix it. People make fun of what I eat and drink, mostly raw, mostly green. My water is not just water. Every day I fill my bottle with half a gallon of steam distilled/ozonated water to take to work. I drink it plain and use it for my green drinks. It takes over an hour to “make” half a gallon of water. When I found that someone had dumped it out before my last 2 drinks, I lost it. I must have dropped the “f” bomb a dozen times. I don’t even know the last time I got that mad. I doubt whoever dumped it had any idea how important it was to me. I even have filters on my showers, so drinking tap water almost never happens.
I’m so much healthier than the first time I went to Hospital Santa Monica in Mexico. When I made my reservation in 01/06, I was terrified. I didn’t know if I would get better. I didn’t know if I would come home. I immediately formed emotional bonds with the other patients. Most were sicker than I was, most of us had been told we were terminal and nothing could be done in our home towns to help us. My role as encourager showed up the first day I was there. Finding ways to make them laugh and smile improved my own attitude. The first week I had a melt down every day after I got back to my room. The second week, my crybaby sessions were shorter, then I would take walks on the beach. By the third week, I was determined to win my battle over the cancer. I went to the gym in the mornings before my iv was put in and walked on the beach every after noon shortly after it was pulled out. I’ve never been to a place where the people were so compassionate towards each other. It gave me such a different perspective of so many things. Most of it -what I consider- good.
On the other side…all the people I’ve gotten so close to haven’t made it. Why?? These people who were in the short time I knew them, so loving, so compassionate – wonderful people.
So yes, I’m scared. Scared to get close to new friends. Scared to lose again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll look at the benefits of knowing wonderful people for a short amount of time. Tonight I’m sad. Thinking about the great people who I wish were still here. Including my skydiving pals, 26 in the last 3 years.
For everyone who saw or heard about me losing it today…I’m sorry. It wasn’t just about water. It never is.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
Filed under: Uncategorized
I bought my plane tickets to southern California today. Someone will meet me at the San Diego Airport and drive me across the border into Mexico. The hospital I’ve gone to in the past for cancer treatment has been shut down. I’ve never been to the new place. There are actually 3, but I’ve mainly stayed in contact with the one I’m going to. Insurance doesn’t cover any of it. I’m mainly going for what we call a full tune up. More later on the treatments I’ll have. Remembering how terrified I was the first time I went gives me a lump in my throat, but thoughts of the friends I’ve made, both staff and other patients, makes me smile!
My thoughts and prayers to Suzanne and Juanita who have both chosen traditional treatments and are both scheduled for double mastectomies. And to Amanda who was told “nothing could be done for her”. Whatever…If I had listened to the statistics I would have died in 2004.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
A little over a month ago, 070709, I woke up to a very swollen arm. I couldn’t bend it enough to eat with my right arm, and couldn’t straighten it out either. I went to the doctor at the urging of my co-workers. He had no idea what was wrong, and $40 later, told me I would have to see a hand specialist. It was my upper arm, not my hand, so I didn’t make the appointment. Aside from that, 2 hours in the hyperbaric chamber seemed to correct most of the problem. Cameron asked me a couple days ago why I’ve been taking so many naps lately. I hadn’t noticed, but realized he was right. I’ve been doing my liver cleansing, eating more fruit than I probably should, but overall taking good care of myself. I searched my skin, looking for anything unusual I hadn’t noticed before. I sat on the bathroom counter with the hand mirror, looking at my back. I put my foot on the counter, re-positioned the mirror and looked at parts I had forgotten what they looked like. Switching feet, realized certain things aren’t exactly symmetrical, but that’s a different story! I finally saw a bump on the back of my arm. The same arm as before. It’s been itching a lot lately, but hadn’t thought about what might be causing the itching. The spot looked like most of the spots in the past. A weird shaped, multi colored mole. $*@%!! I thought I was done with it. I got out the black salve and put smaller than a pea sized amount on the spot. Before I could cover it with a bandage, it started tingling. If you’ve read about black salve, if there isn’t a problem, nothing happens. It doesn’t usually react as fast as it did. I’m hoping it will run it’s course quicker than the 2 week average from before.
Maybe because it hurts. Maybe because I’m tired. Maybe because I want sugar and I’m not eating it. Maybe I just want to be held…. I just want to curl up and cry. So many people think I’m so strong, and most of the time I am. They don’t see me during times like this.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
Someone I know was recently diagnosed for the 2nd time with breast cancer. She has already scheduled a double mastectomy. My first experience with cancer was a friend I babysat for when I was in high school. She had a mastectomy soon after her diagnosis in May of my junior year. They told her they got it all, but started her on chemotherapy anyway. Within a month, they found it in her other breast. She had it removed the same week. Again, no sign of any cancer. About a month later, she was having chest pains. They ran more tests and found cancer in her sternum. I don’t know what kind of treatment they added. She lost all her hair. I didn’t see her much that summer. She was sick and even though they say cancer isn’t contagious, my dad was afraid and didn’t want me going over there. I’ll never forget the first day of school my senior year. 4 months after her first diagnosis…Mickie died. Without any breasts, she ultimately died of pneumonia from breast cancer in her lungs.
If you just don’t want breasts anymore and the insurance will pay for it…cool. If the double mastectomy is to prevent dying from breast cancer – it might not work.
My neighbor died about 6 years ago, from what they thought was brain cancer. It turned out it was breast cancer that spread to her brain.
A friend from Sweden died from what they thought was brain cancer. Her autopsy showed it was melanoma in her brain.
When my dad died, the main tumor had wrapped legs around his spine. He could barely move. It was kidney cancer.
When the 2inch black hole with legs showed up on my butt, I knew they would probably remove most of the right side of my cheek I had worked so hard to develop. I made the decision to not allow that. I would have been mutilated, and the stuff that spread to all the other parts of my skin, lymph nodes and liver would have still been there.
I know we are all on our own paths. I hope all who read this will take control of their lives. Make decisions from a place of trust and love and not fear. Do your research and take action in a way that’s right for you. Who knows, maybe the double mastectomy is a way to get reconstruction and get the perfect boobs you’ve always wanted!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
