Filed under: Inspiration
When I’m out in my WonderWoman outfit, most people have no idea why I’m wearing it. It’s fun! It makes people smile, laugh, wonder…I got an email today. It’s rare that I ever get any feedback, but wanted to share.
Hello Susan, 
We met just for a few minutes last summer.I did not know why you were dressed as you were and you did not say.But you made an impression on me. You bring cheer to the people you touch.
I moved to Everett last year for my work.I am a long way from home and friends and family. It has been all work and no play for to long. But on a sunny day I got away after work and got to meet Wonder Woman.
It does sound silly I know but when I remember that day I still smile. That’s why I do it!
Today at home I somehow came across your blog. Susan I feel that you are an amazing woman\person. I now understand why you were out dressed as Wonder Woman that day.It is really a no brainer.
Susan thank you for spreading the sunshine.I wish you all the best in life and pray for your health.
Your friend,
CLC
Thank you Chris! Spread the sunshine with me! Funny, I changed my Facebook profile picture today to a very happy sunshine 
I’m sure I have days where I make lots of people mad. Yesterday could have been one of those days, but nobody called me on it. Yesterday, I had an old roommate text me “I love you Suzie”. He’s the only one other than my uncle Woody who calls me Suzie. He makes me smile! I don’t talk to him often, but always good to hear he’s alive…Both of them, actually! Later in the day, I was coordinating something for a friend. I got a text “Awesome! You Rock!” What I did for him wasn’t difficult, just something I had the resources to get done.
A few weeks ago, a friend asked me if I knew where she could get rid of a large quantity of shotgun ammunition. I know lots of people who shoot on a regular basis. I didn’t know my roommate had a shotgun, otherwise I would have probably kept it for him. A few people came to mind, but since my phone died and I lost most of my contacts, I didn’t have many phone numbers. I texted a friend who said he would take it. I didn’t ask anyone else. It was a lot more than I thought it was. We met and I gave it to him later the same day I got it. I was just making a connection. One friend was thrilled to get rid of stuff before moving and the other will be able to use it. Not a big deal.
I think I was probably more excited that he gave Buddy a tennis ball. He threw the ball and Buddy chased, got it and brought it back. It was the first time Buddy had ever played with a ball, other than taking them away from other dogs at the dog park. Buddy still carries the tennis ball and leaves it in different parts of the house. He will toss the ball for himself and go get it, like it’s alive and he’s playing before he kills it. I love to watch Buddy play! For anyone who doesn’t know, Buddy is my German shepherd mix we rescued from a shelter last year. He is very shy and acts like he was physically abused. He’s slowly adjusting.
Maybe because I think about the tennis ball friend when I see the bright yellow ball peeking out from under Buddy’s bed, or when I tripped on it and fell down the stairs (not really, I only missed one step)… but last week I had been given an abundance of something else. I texted him and asked if he wanted some. I’m not trying to give away crap, so of course the answer was yes. I also gave some of my loot to 4 other people.
Back to yesterday…I met him to give him his prize. He asked “Why are you being so nice to me?” Half joking, I told him because nobody else will talk to me. I think a lot of people go through life not speaking to other people unless they have to. I’ve been told I talk to too many people. I got the gift of gab from my dad…and his mom…my kid got it from all of us!
It got me thinking…”why are you being so nice to me?” Why wouldn’t I be nice to him? It’s not like he left my toilet seat up and snored all night and kept me awake. That would’ve brought a different response. Why am I nice to anyone? Maybe I’m being selfish, because I believe what goes around, comes around. How I treat others will be how they treat me. Maybe the good comes from somewhere else. I listen. If I have information someone needs, I pass it along. If I have something I don’t want that someone else needs, I give it to them. Making connections has the potential to help everyone involved. It makes people happy. I was the same way before I got sick, but I think cancer has made me see things more differently than others see the same things. Life is short…A phrase that means a lot more when you have a terminal diagnosis. Aside from my belief that I’m going to live past 140, (active and healthy) there’s always the possibility of something happening to someone else. My goal is to leave people better than before I was there. It doesn’t always happen. I don’t always remember. Most of the time I think I’m successful at it. A simple smile. “Hello”. Letting a homeless man and his dog move in for 8 months…Wait, no, that was a cancer decision. It turned out to be a good one, but not something I would recommend. Talk about changing someone’s life! 
A story for another day.
Love, gratitude and blessings, Susan
Tuesday was the first day of summer. When I was driving last week, I heard them talking about it on the radio. What would I do to celebrate? The weather was supposed to be nice. When I go kayaking, I can only stay on the water a few hours without frying myself. I wanted it to be challenging and outside. The tumor on the back of my head has gotten a lot smaller, I’m hoping the residual lump is just scar tissue. I’m not getting headaches from it anymore. Something past my comfort level, but still doable.
I decided to hike Mailbox Peak. I asked my Facebook friends if anyone wanted to go. Nobody responded. I decided to go anyway. Probably not the best idea, as I later found out, but I’m not going to wait for anyone to do something I want to do. I told a friend where I would be, not expecting anything to happen, but just in case.
Monday was the last day of school here. Cameron said he was going to be at the beach hanging out with his friends. There were several hundred kids on the beach when I arrived with my kayak. Cameron ran over, got it off the roof and put it in the water for me. I’m so blessed with such an awesome kid! I was going to just goof around the Mukilteo beach, when I changed my mind and decided to go all the way across to Whidbey Island. I think it’s about 2½ miles, but the ferry run shows about 3. Even 2/3 of the way across, I could still hear the kids yelling and celebrating their last day of school. The water was calm. It was sunny and about 70 degrees, just the way I like it. There were 2 harbor seals who followed me. I tried many times to get a picture, but that must be against the seal code. They were successful at going under every time. It took me almost 2 hours to get to Whidbey, but that included taking pictures and just leaning back enjoying the serenity. I challenged myself and made it back in under an hour. I enjoyed every minute of it!
Tuesday…the first day of summer.
Mailbox Peak is a lot like childbirth. You forget how intense it is. Sure, every time I’ve done it I tell people how brutal it is, I even told someone on Monday how miserable it is. But that’s why I do some of the things I do.
Mailbox Peak is in North Bend, WA. It’s the next peak east of Mt Si. They both are about 4,200′ elevation gain hikes, but Mt Si is 4.3 miles and Mailbox Peak is 2.5 miles. It’s like steps, without the steps. Add in lots of tree roots, mud, snow and loose dirt and rocks at the top. I’ve hiked Mt Si twice over the last 3 weeks and didn’t have any problems. Mailbox would challenge me! Even within the first mile, I considered turning around and hiking Mt Si instead. On the way down, I realized the first mile is the easiest.
About 2/3 of the way up, two men and a 5 year old caught up to me. I had probably thought 50 times or more about turning around until I saw them. The blonde hair, blue eyed little guy was truckin right along. At times, he grabbed a rope his dad was holding to help pull him up the steep grade. He was still doing it. If he could do it. I would too. I let them pass me, but they slowed down. I stayed behind them until they stopped for a break. While behind them, I was checking them out. Trying to anyway. Their shorts were too baggy to properly assess their assets. ‘Is that what I think it is?’ I thought. The kid’s dad, had something on his right hip, under his shirt. The more we walked, the more I looked, trying to figure out what it was. At one point, he picked up the kid. His shirt went up. It was a holster. I only saw the back of the gun. Based on what I know, it wasn’t big enough to protect against a bear or a mountain lion. Is that what he had it for…protection? So many things went through my head. Before I got to the trail head. I texted the same friend I told I was going hiking by myself, saying if I didn’t come back, where to find a key to my car. I was making a stupid “if I fall off a cliff and die” joke, but he ignored my silliness. Were they there to hurt someone? I just chalked it up to the big guy with USMC tattooed on his arm, being paranoid. I didn’t think about it anymore until last night when I saw on the news 2 men raped and pistol whipped a female in Seattle earlier that day.
Enough of that! Regardless of the difficulty of the trail, there were so many things to look at. Green moss, full landscapes growing out of fallen trees, mushrooms, caterpillars, a rushing creek with small waterfalls… Beautiful! Getting thru the woods, feels like you’ll go on forever. Coming out of the woods was amazingly gorgeous! Mountains all around, blue sky, bright sunshine. It made it worth continuing.
The night before on the biggest loser, the guy who had lost 313 pounds in a year said “As long as you have excuses to not improve your life, it will never happen”. I kept telling myself, NO EXCUSES! I probably had some very valid excuses, but chose to do it anyway. It was so worth it! 
The view was spectacular! I always think of how few people will get to see what I was looking at, aside from pictures. I’m sure people say that from the top of Mt Rainier, but there are parts of that climb I’m not willing to do…(at this time)
There are always interesting things in the Mailbox. I put a couple of trial size deodorants inside. It was 86 degrees, so I’m guessing at some point, they’ll be appreciated. I forgot my headlamp so wanted to make it back to the car before dark. Dark on Mailbox peak happens when the sun drops below Mt Si. I only stayed at the top for an hour, soaking in the sunshine and the glorious scenery. Once again, I forgot. I forgot how much my knees and my back didn’t like the descent. There were a lot of side steps, because the incline was so steep, I would risk falling forward if I went straight. I don’t have a way to accurately describe it. Even the pictures make the trail look easy, compared to what it really is.
The easy part of the trail
I only fell once in the snow and slipped but caught myself before falling in the mud. There were several times when I jolted and felt like I strained my back. I almost sat in the mud and cried. Why had I decided to do this? It’s always easier when I’m with someone, because I don’t want to let them down.
There are so many events in my past where I just wanted to sit in the mud and cry. This was one of them. Sometimes I curled up on the couch and did cry. Looking back though, I made it through all those things. Many seemed insurmountable. I did it anyway. I’ve pushed myself every time it mattered.
No excuses. Just do it. Never regret the things I’ve done, only the things I haven’t done. I’ve done this many times before, I can do it now…and if I make it back in time, I can get a massage. That may have been my true motivation.
I did make it back before dark. I did make it back to get a massage before going home and to bed. I don’t remember what I did on the first day of spring, or the first day of summer last year. I will remember my hike to the top of Mailbox Peak, and probably do it again soon.
Challenge yourself! Push your limits! Remember to stop and smell the flowers, laugh, sing, dance, have fun and be happy, just because you want to.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
Mailbox Peak
Filed under: Inspiration
Tuesday morning at a meeting, someone picked a card that said “take risks”. I thought about how the risks I take affect the people around me. I’ve often thought about how Cameron feels about the things I do…especially the “out of the box” things. I won’t go into details, but most of you already know I don’t fit into any box. Nothing about me is “normal”. I’m okay with that. I love the things I do. I love my life the way I’ve created it. Okay, so there are a few things I think about changing, but sometimes wonder if I really want them different.
Someone said they always think about their family and how they would be affected if the risk didn’t work out. I wonder about how those around me will be if I’m no longer around, or worse – incapacitated. But my bigger question seems to be…How does it affect them if I don’t take risks? How does it affect me if I don’t take risks? After the 10 minute conversation, I said “I think I’m going to jump tomorrow”. Where did that come from? I don’t know if I said it to get them to talk me out of it or to support my almost decision. I’ve been out to the drop zone several times in the last 2 months. Every time, I understand the symptoms people talk about when they’re experiencing an anxiety attack. My heart rate went up, I had sweat dripping from my hair into my face and everywhere else. I had difficulty breathing normally. Why would I think I was ready to jump again? I’m shaking as I write this. I’ve often thought about the look on Cameron’s face when he got to the hospital when I crashed and broke my back after my last jump. Poor judgment on my part paired with an unexpected wind. What if it happens again? I’ve thought about how mom lost 6 weeks of her life, taking care of me so I wouldn’t be put in a nursing home. So many what ifs!
My chiropractor said I had his permission to jump. Not sure if it was because he thought he could help put me back together if I got hurt or because he believed I wouldn’t. Someone else told me to have fun. Nobody tried to talk me out of it. They were all in my life 4 years ago when I had my accident. Hmm. My roommate had 2 jumps scheduled on Wed. I knew I was going to go to the drop zone to watch him, but still was unsure if I was going to jump. I called a couple friends who I knew wouldn’t try to talk me out of it and told them what I was going to do. I texted another friend, knowing he was working and probably wouldn’t text me back regardless of what he thought. I know many, many people who would not only try to talk me out of it, but would have a lot of negative comments. I didn’t need that. I was so scared, but felt like I needed to jump. As I approached the airport, 4 skydivers were drifting toward the ground. I had a huge grin on my face. I leaned up to look in the mirror to check and see if I was really smiling that big. I was. How could this be so wrong if I was so excited?! I got to the drop zone. I saw a few people I knew. Tyson was at the desk. I asked him “Is today my day?” We both had huge grins. He said “I don’t know, is it?” I told him I think so. He wanted me to make sure I was ready. At first I told him I wanted to go to the east field to watch the next group of jumpers, then decided I was as ready as I would ever be. I filled out the paperwork with all the waivers. They have names of many property owners in the area included in the “hold harmless” section. After the accident in 07, the insurance company contacted me several times wanting to know who’s property the accident occurred on. I had no idea who owned the property, and really didn’t care, but still have a very clear picture in my mind of the blackberry bushes and the dirt road I hit. I’ll refrain from an insurance company tangent.
I watched the next load at the east field. Everyone did great. Beautiful in the sky and they all landed like graceful birds. I was just going to have enough time to get back before my class started. Not much time to get more nervous, but enough. Cameron was texting me about his track meet. I was responding, but didn’t tell him where I was or what I was doing. Over the last 3 years, he’s gotten nervous every time I tell him I’m going to Snohomish. He knew I would jump again.
Back at the airport… It was time to start the video. Tyson caught me texting and told me to pay attention. Probably a good idea! I was excited, but starting to sweat. I popped another Rescue Remedy gummy, hoping it would calm me down a little. Knowing how experienced the instructors are put me at ease, kinda. I was a little concerned that if they paired me with Jordan, that he would be nervous remembering my last jump. He was my static line instructor the day of my accident. It didn’t have anything to do with him, but he came to the hospital and I know he remembered. At the same time, I hoped it would be him and that we would have an amazing experience – ending with a perfect landing.
Sure enough. Jordan called me over to put on my suit. It was time. I quickly got dressed. He got the parachute on. I was getting the video, so he asked me a couple questions and we started toward the caravan. I wasn’t as freaked out as I was before getting to the airport. Nor as scared as I was on my first jump and my first static line. I climbed in the plane and sat where I was supposed to. We were all loaded in about a minute. I took a picture of everyone inside the plane and was posting it on facebook when I realized Jordan was videotaping and reading my post. I don’t think I appeared scared, but on the inside…I was! I don’t know if I would ever think “hey, it seems like a good idea to get in an airplane, go to 13,000 feet, and jump out” I took a few more pictures, laughed a lot and tried to calm myself about what I was about to willingly do. That huge grin is plastered on my face as I write this. When everyone yelled “DOOR” I knew it was almost time. 8 got out over the east field, and we and another tandem were headed to the airport. They got out first. As Jordan and I scooted toward the door, I realized I wasn’t scared. I don’t know why. He reminded me to wrap my legs under the plane and lean my head back on his shoulder. I did. Although I tried really hard to put my legs straight back, the 80mph speed of the plane forced them to my left. He yelled “arch” for me to arch my back. Thank you Dr Geier for putting flexible plastic rods in my back so I can still arch. We arched and were out the door. I really don’t know how to explain how it feels to see the ground so far below, be thousands of feet over the top of the nearby mountains, what appeared to be eye level with the top of Mt Rainier – almost, and out the door. The wind is so loud. The feeling of speed, not falling. At first, we seemed to be upside down. I knew he would get us in the right position. He did. They told me to occasionally look at the camera, but I guess I forgot. I was busy looking at everything I could look at. The mountains I hike and other people ski, the water I kayak in, the islands, the beautiful Pacific Northwest. It’s not the same as looking at it out an airplane window or seeing pictures. The sights, the sounds, the feelings, both physical and mental – the emotional came several hours later. Nobody could ever describe my experience for me to understand it without actually doing it. Speaking of doing it, I don’t think that can be fully described either. I don’t think it’s possible to understand how big God is, how small we are, and how small every problem can seem when you’re free falling towards the ground…or river…at 120mph, or however fast we were going. When the parachute opened, it was completely different. We could have done some crazy stuff, but he knew I wasn’t ready for that. He did offer to let me fly it, but not wanting to have any responsibility, I declined. We looked at the landscape from all directions. It was amazing! I kept seeing the river directly below us and remembered in my static line class they told us to look at where you want to go, not where you don’t want to go. (This holds true in all areas of life!) I didn’t want to influence where we landed, so I quickly stopped looking at the river. As we got closer to the airport, the fear returned. I knew he knew what he was doing, but remembered about the altitude I was when I realized I was in trouble the last time. I was later told I stiffened up and straightened my legs. Immediately, one of my angels reminded me of the tandem where the student had her legs straight and ended up breaking one. I knew he would tell me when to lift my legs. I did what he said. Perfect landing! So many thoughts and emotions have run through me since we got back to the ground. My adrenaline high lasted about 48 hours. I’m exhausted right now.
I never regret the things I’ve done…only the things I haven’t done. Life is good!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2057573564965&comments
I took a few hours off work today to attend an “All About Hope” event. www.allabouthope.us
Several things happened today that I allowed to get me in a bad place. 5 hours ago, it mattered. Now, it doesn’t matter enough to write about it. A good reminder for next time I start to get worked up about something. I took longer than I needed to getting ready, because I knew I was in such a bad place I was going to create more of the same if I left as angry as I was. Traffic sucked. I seemed to be going through a laundry list of things in my head, along with the same list of various emotions. My favorite spot southbound on I-5 is an amazing view of Mt. Rainier…when it’s clear. I remember it, so even though I couldn’t see it, thought about the many hikes I’ve done there, the water, waterfalls, glaciers, smells, peacefulness and of course the marmots. Lots of memories that brought smiles to my face. Next came exit 167. The lump in my throat, tears welling up in my eyes. Remembering my first appointment at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I was early for my appointment. I parked the car and lost it. I cried, I yelled and cried some more. I didn’t want to go in. I didn’t want to admit to anyone else that I had cancer. Walking through the doors was a reality I didn’t want. I had gone several years doing alternative treatments and didn’t want to be associated with the medical stuff. That’s a technical term, by the way.
Just as I started to cry, I saw the pigeons. Subsequent visits to SCCA, I always hoped for backed up traffic on the off ramp. Almost every time, there would be pigeons standing on the concrete supports for the bridge. It seemed random, but they would one by one, walk off the edge, dropping quickly. I would lose sight of them. I assumed they flew somewhere, but from my angle, it looked like they were just stepping off the ledge…and falling to their deaths below. Morbid maybe, but cancer sometimes twists things. It looked fun. I’ve often thought about fun ways to die, cancer isn’t one of them…Not to alarm anyone, I’m not planning on going anywhere, anytime soon, just telling it like it is. Maybe the pigeons sparked my interest in skydiving. Maybe base jumping is in my future. I love the video of the people flying wingsuits. The pigeons got me out of my funk. I was smiling again. Driving across the I-90 floating bridge got me thinking about my next kayaking adventure. Again, still smiling. I was late to the event, but not too late. I had a great time with old friends and people I just met tonight. My story seems to inspire healthy people, and many seem to know someone they want me to talk to.
All About Hope is like “Make a Wish” for adults with terminal cancer. They helped me with paperwork. By the way, preparing a Living Will, a Durable Power of Attorney and a Will, have got to be easier to do when you think you’re healthy. Filling out the papers when you have a terminal diagnosis was extremely emotional for me. It made my expiration date seem real. It really made me think about the people I was giving responsibility to when making decisions about what I really want. I hope everyone reading this will take care of it before they have to! Anyway…back to All About Hope…They helped me put a roof on my house last year. I am forever grateful! Daily, I say “thank you for my roof!” Usually I’m by myself when I say it, but regardless, I’m thankful! They are always ready to grant another bucket list wish. Donations can be made on their website. I have a hard time donating to “pink” stuff. As the cancer patient, I’ve never seen the benefits. The big cancer “charity” took me off their mailing list when I had a naturopath speak at one of their events. All About Hope is hands on. I have formed friendships with all of them. They care.
Thank you Amanda and all of your crew! I am forever grateful! I love you!
Love, gratitude and blessings,
Susan~
Back in 1998 before my dad’s funeral, there were a couple of other wakes going on at the same time. The one I’ve been thinking about recently was for a young woman, I seem to remember she was about 19. She had only been married a few months. She was going to make chocolate chip cookies and had asked her new husband to pick up the chocolate chips on his way home. Whether she was specific or not, I’ll never know, but she got upset when he came home with the wrong type of chips. We never know what else is going on in someone’s head, but I doubt it was just about the chocolate chips. She was angry and crying when she left to go back to the store to get what she wanted. Distracted driving… I don’t know if it was the rain or the tears, but when she entered the freeway, there was already a semi in the lane she was merging into. She partially drove under the semi, then was rolled and run over by the back tires. The pictures at the wake showed her mangled car.
So much life ahead of her. She left angry. Her husband will remember the happy times, but will probably always remember the last time he saw her. Upset and crying over something that was important to her at the time, but so trivial in the grand scheme of things.
I’ve been guilty of getting upset over things that don’t matter a year later, or even a week or a day later. Our attitudes really are a choice. I have no room in my heart for guilt or regret. I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon, but nobody knows how much sand is left in their hourglass. Every time I go to sleep, I know it may be the last. Every time you walk away, I know it may be the last time I see you. Regardless of what you’ve done or haven’t done, I love you anyway. Regardless of what I’ve done or haven’t done, I love me… anyway.
It’s not fair!! Several years ago, I had a friend who’s husband was going through traditional cancer treatment of chemo and radiation. I don’t know if he had surgery too, our conversation didn’t go far enough. I don’t know if he’s still alive or not. I’m guessing he is and that his treatment worked for him. As you may know, I opted out of chemo and radiation when I learned that 99.6% of the people who did it (for recurrent metastatic melanoma) were dead within a year anyway. I chose to use nutrition and alternative treatments to “fight my battle”. As a result, as I’ve been dealing with “terminal” cancer, I continue to look and be healthier and healthier. Most of my friends faded out of my life as I researched, took action and continued to improve. I saw my friend who knew what I was dealing with, but hadn’t seen me for a long time. She immediately said “It’s not fair!!” I asked “what’s not fair?” She said “It’s not fair that you aren’t miserable and haven’t lost your hair, like my husband.” That was the end of the conversation. She stormed off. I was upset at first. Why did she want me to be miserable? Why would she want me to lose my hair? I can only assume since I’ve never talked to her since, that it was more that she was upset about what was happening to him as opposed to wanting me to be on his path. I also realized that the other friends probably faded off for the same reasons, but didn’t say anything. We’ve all probably lost friends or family to cancer and wish they were still here. As I write, many other situations pop into my head. The countless moms who saw my decisions as a “guaranteed death sentence” telling me I was going to leave Cameron without a mom. One in particular who’s own mom shortly after was diagnosed with breast cancer, went through traditional treatments and died 2 years later. I see her around town. She continues -to this day, to turn her head, refusing to acknowledge I’m still here.
In general, whether it’s a new relationship, a great job, health, money, whatever, if people can’t see how they benefit, they don’t want us to be more successful than they are. The bonus is, we meet new people. I’ve gained friends who are more suited to me now than the ones I lost. I’m grateful for them all!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan Story
Filed under: Inspiration
The first time I did Dr Demartini’s Breakthrough Experience was about 6 years ago. I did it again about a year later. About a month ago, I saw he was going to be in Dallas. I seriously thought about going, but didn’t see how I could get the time off work, to not only go to the seminar, but spend time with my family who lives there. I looked at the money involved and stopped trying to figure it out. Two weeks ago, I got another email. He was coming to Seattle. A friend, who was with me at one of the others I attended, asked me if I was interested in going to the 2 hour talk on the Thursday before. I was ready! I knew it had helped me a lot the other two times I went, even though I was really sick. I’m a different person now. This is my year. The cancer was stage IV for 7 years. When Keta died, I believe she took the remaining cancer with her. The most challenging years of my life, my last name was Stone. I changed it back to my maiden – Story- the first Monday of the year. Not that I’ll have less challenges, but it was time.
I thought I had forgotten his principles, and know I resonated with them more than anything else I had ever learned about personal growth. Only a few hours into day 1, I realized the things I thought I needed to change in my life are the things other people think I need to change. Sure there are things I want to be, do or have that I am not being, doing or have yet, but I fill my life being, doing and having things associated with my highest values. I’m still doing the things he taught me 6 years ago, I just didn’t remember it.
My first “Breakthrough” was the most eventful. Imagine having someone harass you in many ways, almost daily for many years. I was not only in victim mode, but often ready to give up and let the cancer take me down. Immediately after the weekend, it stopped. Not at any time since has this person harassed me the way he did. Sure there are little things, but nothing like it was.
I picked the person I had the highest charge on. The person that pissed me off the most when I thought or talked about them. The first thing I did was write down 5-10 traits I hate about the person. That was easy! Next I had to write down 5-10 traits I loved about them. That was hard! The next step was writing down the initials of the people who would say I had the traits I hated about my person. Huh? I’m not like that! I didn’t see it at first. When I was really honest with myself, I remembered situations when I had been those traits. I started realizing I had been to other people what he had been to me. It started to get depressing. Next was to see that I also possessed the traits I loved about him. That was easy. We are told in the metaphysical world that people are our mirrors. That’s cool when we’re looking at the parts we like, but not something we want to look at when it’s something we see as negative.
Not going into the whole process, I saw how the “bad” things he had done to me, were the things I had benefited from the most. And the things I loved about him had been nice, but not offered me much more than immediate -feel good- gratification. This in turn, helped me see how my behavior, either bad or good wasn’t necessarily “bad or good”. Everyone has every trait. Whether we see it as positive or negative is our own perspective. Even a rapist is focused, motivated and driven to get the job done.
At the end of the process, I 100% loved and appreciated him for everything he was and everything he had done – not to me, but for me. I still love and appreciate him.
I recognize now, that every crisis is also a blessing. I’m not quite to the “instantaneous recognition” stage yet, but closer than I ever was before. There will always be a balance of support and challenge, order and chaos, peace and war, nice and mean…
I haven’t yet written about this weekend, but sleep is high on my values list. Until we meet again,
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan Story
10 seconds…just 10 seconds in my day. 10 seconds out of 86,400 seconds in my day. A tiny amount of time. If I did the math right, .01157% of my day. Those 10 little seconds were the happiest part of my day. Those 10 little seconds held enough joy to keep a smile in my heart for the rest of the day. I’m still smiling. It made me think about how a thought can lead to another thought…that single thought can keep replaying in my mind over and over again. How exciting that a seemingly uneventful moment can change a mood for…an hour…a day…a week…for forever.
Spending an hour doing cardio – tonight was on a treadmill, gives me the opportunity to think about a lot of things. I am so grateful that my blissful 10 seconds, was something that made me happy. I realized that it could have gone the other way. I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen lately on my way out of the gym. I shared my ah ha moment. He’s going through a rough spot. He told me about an emotional moment he had a few weeks ago. It led to emptying out a bottle of sleeping pills into his hand. He filled a glass with water. He was ready to give up on everything…because of something someone he loves had said to him. The situation seemed hopeless. He doesn’t know what changed his mind, but he put the pills back in the bottle. Even if the conversation was 10 minutes…still less than .7% of his day…he’s been an emotional wreck for the last 3 weeks.
I’ll do my best to allow the good things to make me happy, for however many minutes they want to keep showing up. For the not so good things, I’ll do my best to find the blessings, change what I need to and let go of the rest. Make every moment count!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Susan Story
Filed under: alternative treatments, bodybuilding, cancer, coaching, colon cleansing, health, Hyperbaric Chamber, Inspiration, nutrition, sport specific training
I especially like the tan!
Many people make decisions at the beginning of a year to make changes in their lives. These changes are meant to improve their lives in some way. They want to lose weight, get in better shape, quit things like smoking or abusing alcohol, improve their finances, relationships, living situations (mine is eliminate clutter)…The lists are endless. My big question is always “Why”? Why do you want – whatever it is you want? What are you willing to give up for it? Is your “why” big enough to “deprive” yourself of the other?
Why are you thinking you are depriving yourself of something if eliminating it will make your life better? If you keep doing it, aren’t you depriving yourself of a better life?
Change is hard for most people. If it’s something you want bad enough, it’s a lot easier. The more specific it is, the easier it is. I’ve been told many times I have an “all or nothing” attitude. When it’s something really important to me, I do. Regarding the cancer: 7 years ago, medical treatment offered me less than 1% of hope for surviving a year. I had to rely on alternative sources of information in order to help myself to get well. All the information in the world, won’t help if I don’t get off my butt and implement it. I was going to say I have had more discipline for getting rid of the cancer than I’ve ever had, but that’s not exactly true. When I set a goal to compete in a bodybuilding competition, I do everything I know to do to prepare for the competition. My diet used to be exactly what my trainer told me to do, now it is exactly what I’ve learned to do based on past experience with my body and what I’ve learned from other sources. The competition gives me a date I have to accomplish my goal by. I know I don’t get an extra week. Once my diet, workouts, cardio and sleep schedule start, I know that regardless of the judges decisions, I’ve done my best. If I skip cardio, or “just onecookie” and I don’t do well at the show, I know I have no one to blame but me. If I don’t make the goal to compete, to get up on stage wearing an outfit that’s 6 inches at its widest point, I have no reason to push myself to that extent. Don’t misunderstand, my diet is probably cleaner than that of most competitors “pre-contest diet”, but immaculate when I’m “pre-contest”. I know that every time I compete, my body looks better after the show than it did before I started the process. I know that my confidence is improved, every time I get off the stage. I think I’m talking myself into something here. The goal is only the beginning. The end result – stage pictures – keeps me focused. I know I have to stay focused on my own, because few of my friends are going to call and say “what time are you going to the gym? I’ll meet you for an hour on the stair climber”. My kid probably isn’t going to say “no, mom, lets have raw eggs or a salad in the blender instead of pizza”. Being around people who aren’t supportive of what I’m trying to accomplish could blow my efforts. If I didn’t have the discipline I do, because my “why” is so important, my competition goal would be a lot more difficult.
Yes, my competing goal takes up a lot of time, which is why I haven’t made that decision yet. At this point, I have 20 minutes on the Body Vibe, an hour in hyperbaric chamber, an hour for Gerson coffee, oil pulling, dry brushing, hot/cold shower, food prep and getting myself ready all before work. After work, I fit in my workout, another hot/cold shower and 30-60 minutes in the sauna. I feel great and have no evidence of cancer, but since it’s only been a short time since the last tumor, still need to do it all.
I would love to get rid of the clutter in my house! I don’t know where to start. Maybe there’s someone out there wanting to lose weight. You can help me de-clutter and I’ll call you and say “meet me at the gym for an hour on the step mill”!
Make your why big enough and get up and make it happen!
Love, gratitude and blessings to you all
Susan Wonder Stone
