Filed under: Breast implant illness, cancer, Gratitude, health, Hope, immune system | Tags: Choices, Confidence, Empower, Fear, Gratitude, Inspiration, Love
I have made a decision. I’m having my implants removed. The plastic surgeon I met with said I have “capsular contracture”. My body said no to the implants almost 22 years ago when I got them. Scar tissue forms around the implant, making a capsule that the implant lives in. Mine, apparently is a lot harder than it should be. There’s a band of something in my armpit, probably scar tissue. I thought it was related to the cancer, but she said it should diminish after the implants are gone. She said it should be very uncomfortable. I always thought it was, but since I haven’t had anything to compare it to, I just got used to it.
It’s too painful to run unless I flex my chest and my back while I’m running. That never lasts 100 yards. Stretching at the bottom of pull ups, feels like my armpit is going to rip out. No wonder my shoulders are usually tight and sore. Sleeping on my stomach is impossible. Getting a back massage while laying on my stomach is a lot more painful than beneficial. I’ve been going over the ways not having my implants will be better. It’s a stretch, because I’ve grown to like them. Even though they’re not ME, they have been a BIG part of how I see myself.
I like me! I LOVE me!!
My “girls” did wonders for my self esteem and confidence. My self love and connections are stronger than ever! I tell myself now that I’ll stay that way, but in reality, how do I know? Will I be self conscious in a bikini or will I “own it”? Will I still walk around outside naked? Will I still take my top off on all my hikes? I do find it interesting that my signature pose on the tops of the mountains are topless, facing away from the camera. I can continue my pose and nobody who’s seen past pictures will know anything has changed.
I’m scared, but I believe this is the missing link to regain my health back.
I paid my deposit and surgery is scheduled for March 18th. As I hung up the phone with my doctor’s office, I noticed that the call lasted 4:44. Thank you for surrounding me with love and guiding me towards the finances needed to make this happen!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Filed under: alternative treatments, autoimmune, cancer, chronic fatigue, Cleansing, fibromyalgia, Hope, immune system, lupus, Uncategorized | Tags: Alternative treatments, Belief system, Cancer, Choices, Confidence, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love
When I got my breast implants almost 22 years ago, it was more to please a man than for myself. The plastic surgeon I went to, wouldn’t do the surgery unless my husband came to an appointment, so he knew we were both onboard. At that appointment, my doctor and my husband decided I should have 55occ implants. After all, why go from an A to a B cup when I can go directly from an A to a DD cup. Wanting to win back my husbands’ attention, which I lost to satellite tv and the Playboy channel, I agreed. He told us that the implants could change my personality and that many couples have trouble from the changes. My husband assured him that he could handle me. I was a very different woman than I am today! As soon as I was cleared to go back to the gym, the increase in attention from both men and women was like opening up the floodgates! Even though I wore baggy t-shirts most of the time, something was already different. I had no idea what a difference they would make. Acquaintances were suddenly my friends. Men I didn’t know, talked to me. Women I didn’t know, talked to me. It didn’t take long until the added attention boosted my confidence level. Or maybe my internal confidence gained the attention. Either way, I felt better than I ever had about myself. I was preparing to compete in a bodybuilding competition the following August, and at that time, my trainer convinced me that “bulking up” by gaining a lot of weight would help me put on the most amount of muscle. The added weight, slightly disguised my new additions. At the beginning of April 1995, I started dieting to drop body fat for the competition. As the fat melted away (2 hours of cardio – 6 days a week – not how I would do it today!) my breasts appeared to be getting bigger. By the time I competed, I looked like a pencil with boobs, giant boobs!
Fast forward to last week.
A friend I haven’t talked to in a few years, called me. She has been following this blog and my Facebook page. She has known me since the beginning of my “terminal” diagnosis. She’s watched me bring food to events and not eat what everyone else was eating because of my dedication to getting well. She knows how much time and effort I’ve put into keeping myself alive. Many people, included myself, have wondered over the years how I can be so strict with myself and still have cancer. I’ve had countless people tell me how to eliminate the cancer and think I’m ignoring them. With everything I do, why do I still have cancer? My clients will tell you, when they aren’t getting the results I expect for the actions they say they’re taking, I tell them they’re lying. So far, I’ve been lucky and I’ve always been right. I have no tolerance for cheating on diet or actions, because I don’t do it. I believe that if I’m going to say “I did the best I could”, then I’d better do it!
Back to the phone call…She called to tell me about how sick she had been. She did’t have cancer, but a host of other problems. Chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome, joint pain, brain fog… The list went on. There were times she couldn’t get out of bed. I wondered where she was going with her story. Several minutes into it, she said she found out her breast implants were causing the problems. Immediately, tears streamed down my face and chills flushed my entire body. Both responses my body has when I’m hearing a truth. I knew my implants were causing my problems. She explained a lot of reasons why they could be creating the perfect environment for my body to keep growing tumors.
I went to my naturopath and my chiropractor. They both agreed that I need to have explant surgery as soon as possible. So many frames have flashed through my head.
~When my friend Elizabeth, who had inflammatory breast cancer, said her doctor thought her breast implants were causing the cancer. He wanted her to have them removed, but wouldn’t do the surgery until the swelling decreased and her skin was healed. She died before that happened. A year before I met her, I had what appeared to be inflammatory breast cancer. My left breast was almost twice the size of the right one and was missing about 2/3 of its skin.
~The car accident in 1994, where my left breast was bruised from the seatbelt. My plastic surgeon said unless I saw noticeable differences in its size that I should be ok. Now I read the website
and find out that accident could have damaged the fill port on the implant, causing mold to grow in and around it. Once the mold takes hold in the implant, it then travels throughout the body. They say problems usually start 6-9 years after getting breast implants. My left breast always hurt from the beginning. When my son was born in 1996, nursing from the left side was almost unbearable. My first melanoma diagnosis was in 2000.
The website talks about silicone decomposing and particles going to the liver. In 2004, I found out the cancer had spread to my liver and lymphatic system. Are they related? What I know is that many things I’ve read say cancer starts with a fungus overload in the body. My liver and lymphatic system have been sad since 2004. With all the things I do, tumors still show up on a regular basis. This part of the website, tells about ways to detox after the surgery.
I already do most everything on the list and more! All weekend, I’ve been wondering how long ago I might have left the planet if I hadn’t learned and implemented the detoxing I have. If my breast implants are the missing link, how could I possibly get well when the cause of the problem is continually releasing more toxins into my body?
I love myself more than I ever have! My confidence and belief in myself are both higher than they’ve ever been! As I was staring at the wall last night, Cameron came in, knowing I was grieving the impending loss of my ‘girls’ – who had helped my growth in many ways – and said “Mom, don’t think of it as losing your boobs, you’re only losing your implants and they were never YOU, anyway!”
I have decided I am ready and willing to have explant surgery, then go back to Mexico for 2 weeks of detox treatments. I have NO idea how it’$ going to happen, but I know it need$ to happen as $oon as po$$ible. I believe it’s the cause I’ve been missing. I’ll call for consultation appointments in the morning.
I’ll need a new Wonder Woman outfit, but I am still Wonder Woman! I am SO ready to leave the cancer story behind and create my beautiful life!
Love, gratitude and blessings
Filed under: alternative treatments, Black Salve, Bloodroot, cancer, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love | Tags: Alternative treatments, Black Salve, Bloodroot, Cancer, Encouragement, Gratitude, Inspiration, Love
Black salve rarely does what I think it’s going to do. Just when I thought it wasn’t going to do much, a different area changes. I had a small discolored bump on my butt that I treated the same time as this one. It did what it did, most of the time without me noticing it. After applying black salve, the size of a pencil eraser reacted. It didn’t say much. One of the quiet ones. So quiet that I forgot to bandage it and when I got the hand held mirror to check, it was out. The skin heals as it pushes the owie out of the body, leaving a small circular ridge with tender new skin in the crater. Small is also relative. I’ve had them smaller than a pencil eraser up to 2 inches in diameter. I have no idea what day it fell out, got washed off in the shower, or stuck to the inside of my pants. Yes, I said pants, not panties. Use your imagination. :)
I got some news recently, that might be the link I’ve been missing. For those who follow me, you know how much I do to get myself as healthy as I can be. I learn and change things, while sometimes removing others. Sometimes I don’t know if something is helping or not until I stop doing it. I’m still researching and processing this new thing. I think it’s potentially the missing link. I’ll let you know more soon.
Love, gratitude and blessings
Filed under: cancer, Death, Love | Tags: Belief system, Cancer, Choices, Death, Good byes, Love
About 9 years ago, I had an incident involving a smoke alarm. Without all the details, there wasn’t a fire, but the alarm wouldn’t stop screaming. Maybe the ozone I run in the house, maybe the cancer, maybe the treatments…my sense of smell wasn’t working right and shutting the door to ignore the alarm didn’t seem like a good idea. I called the fire department to come check things out. They couldn’t find anything either. The smoke alarm wasn’t coming off the ceiling, so they hit it off with a hammer or broomstick or something handy (I don’t remember), then disconnected the wires. As I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep, I wondered what had happened. No smoke, no heat, no fire. I felt the presence of my friend Ruth who I had met at the clinic in Mexico as I drifted off to sleep. I’ve written about her before. When I woke up in the morning, I realized Ruth had died. A few months later, the same thing happened, but this time with a battery powered smoke alarm. No fire. I removed the battery. I felt like it was Jean. I found out about a week later that Jean had died the day my alarm went off. Richard, Elizabeth, Sue, Lyn, Sylvia, Ed…all the same year. Every time someone I knew died from cancer, one of my smoke alarms would go off. Sometimes as I approached them to push the reset button, they’d stop. I always knew someone was telling me good bye.
On two occasions, the carbon monoxide alarm went off. The first time, Cameron was home with the dogs and called me, asking what to do. I told him to get the dogs outside if he or they were feeling or acting weird. I told him I didn’t think there was a problem, but that I felt it was my friend Lizabeth telling me good bye. I messaged her daughter on Facebook. Lizabeth was still alive, but died 3 days later.
The next time the carbon monoxide alarm went off, Cameron was home and called me again. He told me what happened and I knew it was Dee. He felt like it was Dee too. He told me he was sorry as I cried and rushed home. Dee lived in another country and I didn’t have phone service to call him. I got on Facebook and didn’t see anything. Cameron texted my friend Amanda to see if she responded. When she did, we knew it wasn’t her. Three days later, I was standing at the stove making breakfast. The light over the stove flickered off. Without thinking to turn it off first, I reached up to take it out and replace it. Just as I touched the bulb, it lit up again. I went back to cooking and the light flashed off again. Not even reaching for it, I looked up and it turned back on. I started crying. Trying to hold back, I couldn’t. I burst into tears. Cameron and Bert were both in the kitchen. We all knew it was Dee. Bert held me for about a minute before I pulled away to attempt to keep making breakfast and not allow my eyes to swell up for the day. I talked to Dee without hearing any response. It was good.
Over the years, the hard wired smoke detector had been killed by a firefighter and I had systematically removed and lost the batteries to the others. My close friend Dan was over a few days ago and noticed the wires hanging out of the ceiling. I assured him I had a smoke alarm on top of the fridge. It was missing a battery. Today he showed up with a new smoke alarm and a fresh battery to go in it! Not only that, but he drilled holes and attached it to the ceiling the way it should be done. Sometimes it’s the little things that make us feel loved! Thank you, Dan!
Working smoke detectors, a working carbon monoxide alarm, flickering lights…Please don’t blow out my electronics, but
How will I know you’re dead?
Love, Gratitude and blessings