Susan WonderStone's Blog


Strange dreams
October 29, 2014, 4:52 pm
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My last time in the hyperbaric chamber, I had a dream within a few minutes of getting in. I was home alone. Two men came in the front door. I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but one of them shot at the bottom end of the chamber. I don’t know if they knew anyone was in there or not. I didn’t think I was hit, but the chamber exploded, releasing the pressure and blowing out my eardrums. I slowly reached for my phone and dialed 911. I couldn’t hear, other than a loud, steady , painful sound. I knew what questions would be asked. I whispered, “please take all my information, I can’t hear you. I think I’ve been shot. There’s someone in my house. My address is …”
There was another shot. I woke up, breathing heavy and sweating profusely. I grabbed my phone. I had only been in the chamber for 7 minutes. I was fine, the chamber was fine. I wondered what the dream was about. What did it signify? Who were the 2 men? What had I done that justified them shooting me? It took several minutes to calm my breathing down. I got my breathing back in meditation mode. I fell asleep. The same dream started over at the beginning. It was identical to the first, including when I woke up. The questions were even stronger.



Stuck inside the box
October 28, 2014, 2:09 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Last week, once again, I was wondering why I still have cancer. I’ve had people comment that what I’m doing isn’t working. I’ve had people ask me why I want to have cancer. I’ve had people tell me all I need to do is get my body alkaline. I’ve had people tell me of the many products that magically eliminate cancer. Sometimes I get defensive. Sometimes I get pissed off. Sometimes I ask them questions and put them in the place I believe they belong. Sometimes I nod my head or slightly respond and ask myself the same questions later, somehow hoping to find an answer within myself. I always remind myself that the people asking and commenting have never been in my situation. They’ve never known anyone in my situation that’s still alive to talk about it. And, I remind myself that I’m ALIVE!!

My most recent questions…if it has indeed been my choice, what is the significance of getting cancer not only in my largest organ, but the one that easily regenerates itself? My bigger question…why is the current lump on the back of my head in a place I can’t see it? I call it a lump because without a biopsy, technically, that’s all it is. Well, it’s a super ball sized pink lump with a greenish yellow discharge that doesn’t appear infected – according to my doctor. I decided to ask it. I got in the hyperbaric chamber for my routine meditation. I asked the lump what it was here to teach me. Yes, of course it answered. The answer I received was “You can’t see me. You have to ask someone else to tell you.” I got mad. Who was I supposed to ask? What if that person doesn’t have the answer? How many people will it take to find the RIGHT answer?

question everythingIt reminded me of a story I heard a long time ago. What if…you are in a box. The box has an open window, but there are bars on it so close together, you can’t stick your head or even hands outside. You want out of the box, but you can’t figure out how to get out. You’ve been told that the directions are written on the outside of the box. The only way out is to have someone else read the directions to you, then you – and only you, can take whatever action is required to get out. There’s another catch. Few understand the language the directions are written in. Over the course of the next few days, I asked people close to me what they thought the lump was here to teach me. We had some insightful conversations, but no directions to get me out of the box. I was frustrated, but knew the right person would eventually show up. I’ve been living like this for a long time, so giving up isn’t an option…yet.

My doctor cultured the ooze and did bloodwork. The culture hasn’t come back yet, but the bloodwork shows I’m ‘perfect’! I sent the results to my friend who is an herbalist. She ran them thru her computer. Same information put in, but very different results returned. It showed several things were WAY off. According to the chart she uses, my values that all fell into the “standard range” in the medical world, showed Alkaline Phosphatase too low, my A/G ratio and bilirubin too high (all associated with liver), a stressed thymus, out of balance gall bladder, spleen issues and an infection. Wow!

I got out the big blue book I got a few years ago. We have several books on the emotional issues that cause specific physical problems. The blue book gave me information I had never looked up. Because the medical lab results showed everything was okay, I had no reason to look up thymus, spleen or gall bladder. When I broke my back in 2007, the CT scan showed my liver was “normal” so I never looked that up either.

I’ve started doing meditations to release all the old emotional shit that potentially put me in the box. I’m hoping my herbalist friend is the person who has successfully read the outside of my box. I’ve defined the problem and started taking action to move on. Maybe it’s just another layer of onion skin to peel off, but maybe it’s THE answer I’ve been looking for!

Love, gratitude and blessings,

~Susan



Check Engine
October 6, 2014, 10:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

check engineLast week, my friend was talking about anxiety.  She said “You know, the anxiety you get when the “check engine” light comes on?” I thought about how I felt the first time the check engine light came on in my car.  Years ago, my mechanic told me that by the time the light comes on, you’re too late and have already messed up the car.  The car I’m driving was given to me last November.  It’s a 1998 Chevy Malibu with about 100,000 miles more than its life expectancy. Kinda like me – still alive 14 years past the expiration date the doctor gave me.  The plates were expired and it needed to pass the emission test to renew them.  I knew I didn’t have the money to get the repairs needed to get it to pass, but I also didn’t have the money to pay a potential ticket for driving with expired plates and not transferring the registration.  Yes, I was anxious.  My other car, a 1995 4-Runner with over 200,000 miles had died on the side of I-5.

I decided to leave the anxiety and try faith.  Not just the praying kind, but more.  I thanked and talked to the car as I was driving to the emission test.  I knew it failed earlier in the year and no repairs had been made.  I continued talking until we (me and the car) got there.  Without all the details, we passed!  Within about a week, the “check engine” light came back on.  It’s almost always on.

Back to the question “You know the kind of anxiety you get when the “check engine” light comes on?”  I realized that over the last 14 years, my body’s “check engine” light has been almost always on – regarding the cancer.  Sure, there’s still some anxiety when a new tumor shows up, or one doesn’t go away with the treatments I do as fast as I want it to, but for the most part, it’s like my car.  I know there’s a problem.  When will the light be off more than it’s on?  I believe it will happen long before the engine dies.  I believe I’ll be 100% healthy before my engine dies.

Based on statistics, a lot of people will be told their “check engine” light is on.  After the initial anxiety, switch to faith.  Ask the “light” what it’s trying to teach you.  Ask it what it needs.  Listen.  And follow through with what it tells you.  I like to remember…Zig Ziglar said “Worry is misuse of the imagination.”  Let go of worrying!  Have fun!  Live big, love big, laugh big! Life is good!

Love, gratitude and blessings

~Susan