Just like we don’t know how much water is left in our waterfall, we don’t get to know how long others will be in our lives. Some show up for a specific reason, some for a season and others for our lifetimes. The bonus is that we don’t know who is who! If we knew we’d never see someone again, would we treat them differently than someone who’s going to be a permanent fixture? People show up in our lives to teach us something or for us to teach them. Often both. Most physical illnesses and even injuries can be traced back to one of our relationships and how we are reacting to it. Many diseases are directly related to not feeling like we’re good enough. According to who? What if we are good enough? Love and forgiveness of ourselves and others, gives us new perspectives. Go with the flow, like the waterfall.
Please comment or let me know if you’d like to get on the waitlist for Elevate Your Health, Elevate Your Life! What are you waiting for? You are worth it now!
Filed under: alternative treatments, health, Hiking, Inspiration | Tags: Belief system, Bloedel Reserve, Choices, Encouragement, Inspiration, Love, Perspective
I recently made my first visit to the Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island. The grounds are beautiful! It’s 150 acres with different garden areas and trails throughout the property. There are many types of birds and other critters who choose to live there.
Mama duck and a pile of baby ducks
There was a baby grand piano in the house that a visitor was playing. It was fun to hear!
I was happy to see the poster in the hallway of the house. I have many more pictures, but you’d be better off going to see for yourself. It’s easy to hike the grounds and different seasons bring different views!
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: Death, Gratitude, Hope, Love | Tags: Belief system, Choices, Inspiration, Japanese Gulch, Love, Mukilteo, Perspective
Last night when I got home, my son Cameron and his girlfriend Rayla, were about to leave to take Buddy into the woods for his last hike.
I still remember Buddy’s picture on the PAWS website, six years ago. Immediately when I saw him, I said “That’s my dog!” Cameron and I went to see him that day when I got off work. It was just before closing, so they told us to come back the next day. Buddy was scared. He cowered in the back of the kennel. His neuter surgery had gone bad and they had to open things back up to clean out the infection. The staff made it seem like that’s why he was scared. I was concerned he could be a fear biter, until we got our Rottweiler Keta, out of the car to meet him. He followed her around the play area and seemed so excited! He was leery of us, but loved Keta. We went back the next day and brought him home. We only had Keta for 6 more weeks until her kidneys shut down from bone cancer. She had broken Buddy in. He was afraid inside the house, but excited and loved going for walks in the woods. Over the years, Buddy continued to be afraid of certain people, mostly men wearing baseball caps, but always men who were smoking. We could rough-house with him outside, but if anyone touched him inside the house without warning, he’d pee. It took several years for that to stop.
I’ve always wondered what happened to him before we met. I had a goal to prove to him that some people are good.
Five years ago, Buddy appeared to catch a squirrel. I thought he broke its back. Buddy was gentle, but dropped it when I screamed. It crawled away, dragging its back end. It died as it reached the other side of the driveway. Buddy cried. He seemed disappointed it didn’t play with him. When we saw the third squirrel dragging its back end, my partner took it to PAWS. They have a wildlife center. They told him that local squirrels had been getting a raccoon parasite that attacks their spinal cord, paralyzingly their back ends.
About 2 years ago, Buddy’s back legs started getting weak. His right leg was worse than the left, but both atrophied. We were told he had degenerative myelopathy. It’s like ms in people. Recently, I researched ms and parasites and found several articles stating that the ms patients they tested had an unusual amoeba in their blood. I’m pretty sure we aren’t supposed to have amoebas.
They say there’s no way to cure degenerative myelopathy, but regular exercise can slow the progression. I wondered how long I could help Buddy and keep him alive. We continued our daily walks in the woods. As time went on, Buddy’s legs shrunk more and his walking was increasingly worse. It was so bad in March when I had my surgery, I thought he might die during the time I wasn’t able to drive. He looked happy though. He ate every day. He drank water. He pee’d and pooped, although it didn’t appear he had any control over when he went. Most days, he’d drag himself out the back door and down the two steps to go potty in the back yard.
Aside from my doctors in Mexico and my neurosurgeon who put me back together after I broke my back, I believe all the medical doctors I’ve seen over the last twelve years, wrote me off shortly after meeting me. Last year, a doctor at a walk-in clinic, knowingly prescribed a narcotic I was allergic to. The pharmacist told me he didn’t want me to take it, but the doctor did. He said that if I took it, to sit in a chair with my phone and if I had breathing difficulty, to call 911 immediately. Seeing the open tumors on my neck and bottom of my left foot, was he trying to help me with pain or help me die from an allergic reaction? Even though I wasn’t ready to die, I felt like he could come in handy when the time comes that I am. I was angry that if I didn’t know what I do, that doctor could’ve been my end. Why should anyone have the right to decide when someone else will die?
Why should I be the one to decide when Buddy would die? I know it’s considered humane to put a dog to “sleep” when they’re in pain. How do you know of a dog is in pain?
About a month and a half ago, Buddy started drooling a lot. I asked my neighbor, who is a vet. She said if we had put Buddy down a year ago, it wouldn’t have been too soon. The drooling in a non drooling dog is a sign of pain. Someone else told me that in the wild, an animal wouldn’t let the others know it was in pain, because they’d leave it behind. How could I know if Buddy was too miserable to keep going? I’ve been so sick at times over the years that the people around me gave up on me. I guess I just wanted Buddy to make the decision and die on his own. Cameron wasn’t ready. When his friends were killed on July 30th, I really didn’t want to make that decision.
Last week, we had a family meeting and decided it was time. The first available appointment at our vet, was this morning at 10. Back to my first paragraph…
I asked the kids if I could go with them. Our plan was to get Buddy in Rayla’s car, drive to the woods and then, I don’t know what. Cameron enticed Buddy to drag himself to the front porch. He picked him up to take him down the steps and driveway to the car. Buddy started peeing as soon as Cameron picked him up. He held him still until he stopped peeing. I went back inside to get towels to dry Buddy off. Before I got back, Buddy ran down the driveway, dragging his back legs behind him. I washed the porch and sidewalk off with the hose, while the kids dried the pee off of Buddy. We all cried on the way to the woods. It’s only 3 blocks. Buddy wanted to walk, but Cameron picked him up. We barely got past the trailhead when he put Buddy down by a favorite peepee tree. Pretty sure most dogs pee there. Buddy dragged himself around it, sniffing what his friends had left.
Cameron wanted Buddy to have one last walk in his favorite places. We’ve walked in Japanese Gulch several times a week and often daily, since we moved here 17 years ago. Cameron taught me to hike in the dark without headlamps, being careful to feel what’s under my feet. It has helped greatly with my other hikes. In the gulch, I could also see the dogs, which helped as long as they stayed on the trail. In the dark, we mainly took the same trail. There’s a spot we call “the lookout”. On full moon nights, we’d go to the lookout and howl at the moon. Buddy would howl with us, while Lucy the bulmastiff, just looked at us like we were crazy.
Last night, we walked as far as Cameron could go, then stopped to rest, lay on the ground with Buddy and talk. We heard our friends Debra and Cooper. Buddy sat up and started whining, wanting to see his friends. Cooper is a rambunctious puppy and Debra always has treats. I yelled “Cooper” once, but with all of us crying, didn’t yell out again.
It was getting dark by the time we got to the lookout. Buddy wasn’t interested in howling. We really weren’t either. We decided to take a shortcut because the chance of falling is higher in the dark and even higher while carrying a large dog. I cried nearly the whole way, watching the love Cameron and Buddy shared. It was only a mile. It was a mile I’ll always remember!
We all got up this morning, knowing what the day would bring. We all tried to hold back the tears, but didn’t. Rayla drove. The vet and staff were great! I wouldn’t want their jobs. I won’t go into the details, but Buddy died with all of us holding him. We showed him that regardless of what happened before we met, some people are good. He knew we loved him.
It’s only been 13 hours. Every time I’ve walked thru the kitchen, I expect to have to step over him, but he’s not there. I’m tired and crying again. It seems this year’s theme has been loss. I hope this is the last one for awhile!
We LOVE you, Buddy! Thank you for teaching us so much and loving us back.
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: Death, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, parenting, Wiener Friendly Soap | Tags: Belief system, Choices, Coaching, Dreams, Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Not Good Enough, Perspective, Wiener Friendly Soap
I’ve often said that there are few “bad” things I haven’t experienced and overcome, that allow me to help others get to the other side of the trials they face. From car accidents, moving when I didn’t have a choice, watching my dog get run over by a train, breakups including 2 divorces, 7 miscarriages, being accused of being a violent drug abuser with my son temporarily being taken away from me, getting fired from a job I loved, having to file bankruptcy, breaking my back and being told I’d never walk again, losing friends in other skydiving and airplane accidents, my dad dying from cancer, 2 dogs and too many close friends and acquaintances also taken too soon…to my own terminal cancer diagnosis and the daily struggles that came with it…including having to go outside of the country to get the treatments that have kept me alive, having countless doctors refuse to help me because I won’t allow more biopsies and recently finding out that the toxicity of my breast implants could have been the reason my immune system wasn’t healing my body – even though I was doing all the right things.
As I write this, so many other things fill my head. The roof leak that caused over $11,000 damage and the insurance company threatening to drop my coverage unless I replaced the $16,000 roof in the middle of a chapter 13 bankruptcy. One of my dogs dying 4 days after a cat bite. A police officer telling my son I was overreacting from someone attempting to break into our house, only later to have “the suspect” admit he had broken in at least 15 times and had stolen from us. Answering the 911 call from a neighbor describing my house being on fire (it was my neighbor’s house, but it took another 30 seconds to find that out. They weren’t home, but the cat and bird died in the fire), then a year later when my supervisor advised me my son had called in and our kitchen was on fire (my firefighter neighbor took care of it before the fire department arrived)…then I think of the stressful 911 calls I took for over 6 years with people hurt, dying or dead, amongst all the non emergency stuff…
The traumas other family members have faced. My oh my! How thankful I feel right now! None of that was on my mind to write about.
None of those things could have prepared me or anyone else for getting the news that three people were killed and one in serious condition at a party in my community. Like I said yesterday, I got messages way before my alarm was set to go off. I knew that when the news reports said college age and teenagers in the same sentence that I would know the people involved. I’ve lived in Mukilteo since 1992. Many people in this community have lived here for a long time too. Several hours after getting the initial news, I opened Facebook and saw that one of my son’s good friends had been killed. I was at work and managed to stay through the end of my shift, but not without crying…a lot.
Shortly after I got home, several kids sat in our living room crying and telling stories. There was a vigil Saturday night, at Kamiak high school. I was going to go, but after talking to my mom and my brother the kids were already home. We all cried more. Rayla was so upset, she was throwing up. She went to bed early, while Cameron and I stayed up talking.
Most of the day Sunday, was filled with tears. There was a community vigil being held Sunday night that I was going to. Cameron decided at the last minute to go with me. I couldn’t count, but there must’ve been 500 people there. There were people from different churches and faiths, who spoke along with the mayor and the governor. Many of the kids who graduated in 2015 were at the vigil. Many of their parents were there with them. People from the community who were unrelated, were also there to show their support.
There were families I’ve known since Cameron was in kindergarten. Several of the kids at the party, were in the summit program. Summit is Mukilteo’s gifted program. The kids who are in it, come from different schools in the district. They form close relationships. The parents seem to be more active with school functions then many of the non-summit kids’ parents. Even though the summit kids took different paths in high school, they remained connected.
Some summit, some not, were at the party, hanging out before they went back to college for their sophomore year.
Based on the news stories, the shooter was jealous over other guys after breaking up with his “dream girl” Anna. He shot and killed her. He fired 20 rounds total, killing Jake and Jordan and critically injuring one more.
One choice. 3 dead. So many lives changed forever!
We worry about our kids drinking and driving or being in an accident with a drunk driver. Being killed at the hands of one of their classmates isn’t something most of us have ever thought about.
How can we tell them everything’s going to be okay? How can we trust that they’ll be safe wherever they go? So many questions! Very little of it makes sense to me!
Cameron and I were only going to stay an hour, but ended up being amongst the last to leave. Hugging, crying and holding kids and parents who were upset was more important than going home. The trauma every kid (technically they’re adults) at the party suffered, was more than most of us will ever experience. I talked to some of the church leaders about dating violence and the importance of teaching the signs of it before it escalates into a tragedy like this. I talked about survivor guilt and they looked like they hadn’t even thought about it. The family and friends of the shooter have suffered loss too. He and Anna dated over a year. They don’t need to feel isolated at this time either.
Most of us think our first love will be our one and only. When we really love someone, breaking up is never easy, whether it’s the first, third, tenth or whatever number it is. Since everyone is different, how do we help our friends and loved ones deal with a breakup, death or loss of any kind?
I feel like my past experiences have prepped me for a lot and am willing to talk to and share with the families affected by this tragic event, starting with Cameron and his friends who are still alive. So much I’d love to tell you that I learned last night, but being so fresh, will allow time for healing before I do.
On a lighter note, one of the kids last night, said he’ll always remember meeting me. I volunteered in the classrooms a lot. Shortly after he moved here, I had gone to the school to eat lunch with the third graders. He was eating a raisin bagel and a raisin fell out and onto the table. He said that I said “Look, it pooped!” He was grossed out, threw it away and didn’t eat anything else for the rest of the day. He said he still won’t eat a raisin bagel. I don’t remember it, but he might always remember my 3 words!
Love yourself. Love your friends and families. Reach out when you need help and reach out when you see someone who appears to need help. Don’t expect someone else to do it. If we truly are one, let’s find ways to take responsibility, help each other and stop blaming.
Life is good, let’s make it better!
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: alternative treatments, ASEA, Black Salve, cancer, Gratitude, health, Hiking, Hope, Inspiration, recurrent metastatic melanoma, RENU 28, stage 4 | Tags: Alternative treatments, ASEA, Belief system, Black Salve, Bloodroot, Cancer, Choices, Confidence, Empower, Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Limiting Belief, Perspective, recurrent metastatic melanoma, RENU 28, stage 4 cancer
After I posted “Black Salve Results at 2 weeks” on July 1, a friend commented on the Facebook photo “That looks Brutal!” It was!
I responded “It’s making me sweaty and nauseous. When things get brutal, I show them what brutal is. Gothic Basin, here I come!” I’m not sure what I was thinking. I’ve been home 48 hours and I’m too tired to write. For now, enjoy the scenery. I’ll tell you all about it soon. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns as the pictures might show.
Filed under: alternative treatments, cancer, health, Hiking, immune system | Tags: Alternative treatments, Belief system, Confidence, Inspiration, Perspective
Yesterday at the Lake 22 trailhead, a group of people were slathering on so much sunscreen, they had a white sheen on their skin. They would be walking under ~100 foot trees for however long it would take them to walk 2.7 miles to the open lake. More than likely, long enough to no longer have sun blocking benefits, but plenty of time to absorb the endocrine disrupting and other toxic qualities of the chemicals in the sunscreen. We were waiting for a parking spot, so they had a head start on us. When we caught up with them, that filter most people have got lost and I said “Aren’t you glad you put on so much sunscreen?” They didn’t know I was being sarcastic until I told them I was. They genuinely thought they were doing something good for themselves. I take my out of the box knowledge I’ve learned over the years as a given that everyone knows, but learning that I’m so wrong! My hiking partner looks up things I talk about on our hikes, most of which, he’s never heard of. He thought sunscreen was a good thing, but he likes to be tan so doesn’t use it.
As we continued to pass our sunscreened hikers, I said “I have recurrent melanoma. I don’t use sunscreen anymore.” One of the women said “Good luck with that.”
It then occurred to me that they didn’t know the relationship between vitamin D deficiency and disease. After my first melanoma diagnosis, I was freaked out about allowing the sun to touch any part of my or my son’s skin. It continued until it spread to my liver, lymphatic system and the skin all over my body. My research flipped my beliefs. When I’m going to be in the sun for hours, I do wear sun protection clothing or sunscreen I make, because sunburns suck!
Since there are still no medical treatments for recurrent metastatic melanoma that give better results than what I’ve done, I continue to be my own lab rat and experiment with what I learn.
I saw this article today and hope others will do their own research and do what’s best for them.
http://www.realfarmacy.com/scientists-blow-the-lid-on-cancer-sunscreen-myth/
I hoped we would run into the non-believers in the amazing benefits of the sun, to explain my understanding, but they must’ve turned around. Their car was gone when we got back to the parking lot. The pharmaceutical and ‘food’ industries don’t want us to know we can live better without their chemical soups.
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: allergies, anti-inflammatory, ASEA, bodybuilding, cancer, Coffee Enema, Gratitude, Inspiration, OM, recurrent metastatic melanoma, RENU 28 | Tags: Alternative treatments, ASEA, Black Salve, Bloodroot, Cancer, Choices, Coffee Enemas, Confidence, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Melanoma, Metastatic Melanoma, OM, Perspective, recurrent metastatic melanoma, RENU 28, Wiener Friendly Soap
After my first Gerson coffee yesterday, the pain of the owie greatly diminished. After the second one, I only noticed it if I bumped it. I had 3 separate “healing” sessions, starting about an hour later. I hung out with a friend until around 11 pm and came home. I was only feeling a little pain. I used an anti inflammatory suppository I made and went to bed. I woke up this morning, also pain free. I’ve been drinking ASEA, spraying it on my owies and applying RENU28 to them. I know it’s made a big difference, but there’s really no way to know what percentage each of the things I’m doing is helping.
I took the bandage off for my shower. I lathered up my hands with Wiener Friendly Soap and reached back and gently washed the back of my neck. It didn’t hurt. The water didn’t even sting. Since I can’t see it and I’m home alone, I decided to leave the bandage off for the day. I could tell by feeling it that it wasn’t open, like it did the last time. I have 2 hot/cold showers most days to get my blood flowing. I’ll describe those details another time 🙂 When I got under the warm shower for the second time, it burned like I had poured scalding water on it! WTF?? Yes, I said it out loud. Nobody was here to hear it. I breathed through it. The owie is producing so much heat, it felt as if the water was being blocked directly over it when I turned the water all the way cold. No mistaking that I felt how cold it was every where else it touched!
I got the hand mirror out to double back and look in the bathroom mirror. The owie has reacted, but nowhere near as big as it has the last two times I treated it. The majority of shower pain, came from what appears to be an allergic reaction to the tegaderm bandage I used to hold the gauze on. I know I need to cover it, but OUCH, it f’n hurts!
It feels like a cut at the top of where the bandage was 2 days ago. It hurts worse than it looks!
This picture was taken 10 hours after removing the bandage. I couldn’t get far enough away to show you, but my traps are swollen too. I forgot how much I loved and miss my big traps. I smiled. I grabbed some dumbbells and did some lateral raises and smiled even more. I’ll spray more ASEA and apply more RENU28 before I go to sleep and hope I can bandage it tomorrow.
Like I’ve said before, I believe the pain of black salve and healing process is easier for me, than allowing a doctor to attempt to fix me with a knife. I’ve had to repeat the process, but so have they. I also believe my healing sessions alleviated a significant amount of pain. I’ll tell you about it sometime.
I’m hoping this is my LAST black salve adventure! Thank you bloodroot, galangal root, sheep sorrel and red clover. Thank you owies for everything you’ve taught me.
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: ASEA, bodybuilding, cancer, coaching, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, RENU 28, Uncategorized | Tags: ASEA, Belief system, Cancer, Coaching, Encouragement, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Perspective, RENU 28
Muscle and Fitness showcasing RENU 28
“vibrant, younger looking skin. Clinically proven to reduce wrinkles”. I didn’t know it would do that when I first started using it. Increased energy and quicker recovery time make ASEA at the top of my list for supplements. Both ASEA and RENU 28 increase and improve cellular communication. Cells within our bodies need to communicate with each other, just like people in relationships need to communicate with each other. Along with drinking ASEA and spraying it on my owies, I was also told to put RENU 28 on my owies. They seem to be looking a lot better in a shorter amount of time than the ones before ASEA and RENU 28. I haven’t been putting it on old scars. I was actually disappointed about a month into drinking ASEA, because my favorite scar was fading. It was the one on my lower right leg. It lasted for several months in 2007 (I competed in the Emerald Cup Bodybuilding competition that year with the open tumor), then again in 2013. It was about the size of a dime with a darker cross in the middle of it. I thought the cross was cool! Now, it’s almost gone.
**If anyone knows what that signifies, I’d love to know!**
Why would I be so attached to my scars?
I realized a long time ago I was afraid. I wasn’t afraid to have cancer, I had gotten used to that. I was afraid to not have cancer. It had become my life. It originally showed up a year after my first divorce was final. It showed up again after my ex took my son away from me, claiming I was violent and a drug abuser. The 3rd time it showed up, was after my second husband “allegedly” thought it would be a good idea to sell drugs to a cop. Thus, my second divorce. That time, it exploded all over my body, including in my liver and lymphatic system. It became my excuse to stay out of relationships.
I got into an argument with a man several years ago. His dog had recently died. He said it was so painful, he would never get another dog. He didn’t think he could handle that kind of hurt again. I blurted out “I feel that way about men, but never dogs! The best way to bring more joy into your life is with another puppy!” He asked “How can you feel that way about men?” The argument lasted about 20 minutes, both of us citing reasons to not feel that way, realizing in the end we were both giving the same excuses and that our thinking was not valid. I’ll probably never know if he’s ever gotten another dog.
Shortly after that conversation, my “hero” moved in. One night, we were cuddling and talking. I pulled the cancer card. I told him I didn’t think it was fair for me to bring a man into my world, knowing my doctor had given me an expiration date. I was already past the expiration date, but still had cancer. He held me tighter and said “That’s not your decision to make.” He then said he didn’t want a relationship either. At that moment, we were both satisfied…on the surface. It was the first time I had entertained the thought of EVER having another man in my life and he didn’t want to go through another abandonment. Every time my head asked what the fuck I was doing, my heart said “get another puppy”. No fights for 4 1/2 years. He moved out, while things were good between us. His reasons are his reasons. It was the best 4 1/2 years of my adult life! It has also been much harder than either of the 2 divorces. A lot more like losing a dog. My heart knows it’s been wounded.
Having all of my scars fade, almost felt like I’d have nothing to show for my (hopefully) 15 year cancer journey. I realized last summer that the education I’ve gained is invaluable! Who cares about scars?! While 98% (I made that number up) of woman do what they can to hide their scars, I was worried about losing mine. The amount of people I have the potential to help because of my journey is what I need. A purpose for the struggle. The scars are fading. I visually see them diminishing on my skin. I smile, when I feel them fading on the inside. Like the micro tears in muscle from a workout, making the muscle bigger and stronger, I believe ASEA and RENU 28 have filled in the cracks of my wounded heart, making it even bigger and stronger than it was. It’s time for another puppy.
Learn more about ASEA and RENU 28 here
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: Hiking | Tags: Cancer, Dreams, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Naked, Perspective
It took me a month to write this. I found out my 7 year old, little super hero friend had died. Too many of my friends die. Because I’ll probably never know why, I like to find the positives…the benefits to them being out of my life. It’s never easy, but definitely easier when I’m by myself in nature. I didn’t bother to ask anyone to go with me. In fact, my hiking partner texted me while I was gone, after not talking to him for a couple weeks. He started climbing and I’m not ready for that. I’m guessing he “felt” I was doing something without him. Since I was going by myself, I decided to go to a trail that he and I had done before. Surprise Lake. We got a late start when we went together, so only made it to Surprise Lake. I was starting earlier, but wanted to go farther. It would change my 9 mile hike to 11 and I would get to hike on part of section J of the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). It was a 75 mile trip each way, so I had time to think on the drive too.
I forgot to get the Northwest Forest Pass from the kids, so stopped by the ranger station to get another one. There are hiking rules on the counter, telling what to do and not to do. DO NOT HIKE ALONE! I asked if there had been bear sightings and of course the answer was yes. We had such a dry summer, the animals were hanging out at lower elevations. I didn’t have bear spray, but didn’t really care either. Every time a friend dies, the stupid “Am I next?” question circles through my head. It would be way cooler to die from being eaten by bears, than dying from cancer in a hospital bed!
Hiking by myself always seems like the trails are longer, without having anyone answer my questions. I take longer, but eventually either answer my own questions, or ask new ones to find a different way. The last time we hiked it, there were so many wildflowers, butterfly’s and bumble bees, we had a lot to talk about!
This time, the hike to Surprise lake was full of fungus! It was a lot wetter. I don’t have enough knowledge to know which ones are okay to eat, so I only took pictures. I thought about my little friend, but also the many friends I’ve lost to cancer over the years. Last week I was at a store where I know all the employees. There was a donation box on the counter for the family of one of them. He was overwhelmed with finances and a new baby and decided to overdose on pain meds. He died. I understand being overwhelmed by finances…or rather, lack of finances. Alternative cancer treatments are not covered by insurance, and at times when I’ve been too sick to work, the bills still need to get paid. With so many of my friends, giving everything they know to give and dying anyway, and myself, constantly searching for what’s missing and altering my own protocol…I don’t understand purposely ending it all. I saw a chipmunk eating the seeds out of the “cone” in the middle picture. I’ve never seen anything like it. In the next picture, it looks like it’s from a blue spruce tree. I ate one. It tasted good, with a pine scent. I didn’t eat anything else away from my normal diet that day, but about 12 hours later, I was violently puking. That rarely happens!
I was excited to see the “No Campfires beyond this point”. Those signs are at 5,000 feet elevation. Closer to the lake!
Surprise Lake was a prettier color this time, I’m guessing because of the clouds. There were people setting up camp, so I kept going. I hadn’t seen Glacier Lake yet and was determined to get there. I was excited when I saw the PCT sign. I didn’t know I was going to be on it. Maybe not a big deal to some people, but someday I want to do the entire trail, from Mexico to Canada. 
I enjoyed the change of scenery along the route. I kept seeing water through the trees, but didn’t know how big Surprise Lake was and how long it would take to get to Glacier Lake. I felt like Forest Gump…I kept walking, and walking, and walking. I was finally getting close to the clouds. 
I was almost to the top of what I later found out was Pieper Pass. A couple was walking towards me. I asked them if they made it to Glacier Lake. They said I passed it about a half hour ago. They were camped there and would take me. They were probably in their 60’s and were walking so fast I thought they were trying to lose me. After about 10 minutes, I heard something behind me. A voice called out. I offered to let him pass, but he continued along behind me. His name was Saul. He had started section J of the PCT at Snoqualmie Pass
and was headed to Stevens Pass. Talking to him made the time go quicker. He continued on when we got to the turn off for Glacier Lake. The sign said “CAMP”. No wonder I missed it. About 20 feet down the trail, was the sign. It was only a minute down the trail before Saul came back. He asked if I was headed back to Seattle. I told him I was going north of Seattle, but not into the city. He asked if I would give him a ride near I-5 and he could get a ride the rest of the way from there. I asked if he was creepy. He said he wasn’t. He was wearing what looked like spandex shorts with his other shorts tied onto his backpack. I didn’t notice until we got to the lake and he was putting the shorts on. He apologized for not having them on already and was concerned it would eliminate his chances of getting a ride. I thought it was funny that he said anything. I told him I needed about 30 minutes to enjoy the lake and eat, before putting on my layers for the hike back in the dark. He climbed on the rocks while I ate. It took me several minutes to decide if I wanted him to take one of my signature pictures. The temperature was 62 degrees. The fog was hanging above the water. Glacier Lake just sounds cold. Getting in wasn’t going to happen! 
I didn’t want him to think the wrong thing, since I had told him I’d give him a ride and we’d be spending the next 6 hours together. He wasn’t weird about it.
I spent the first half of my hike, thinking about life, thinking about loss of life, thinking about old and new goals and so many things in between. The second half was spent learning about someone who had traveled to places I’ve never been and had experienced things I never thought of as possibilities. I shared my thoughts. I felt safer being with him than I would have hiking in the dark alone. He appreciated the company and the ride back. I didn’t take him all the way home, but over 60 miles closer than he was.
I didn’t figure out why my friend died. I haven’t figured out why any of my friends have died. I will continue to do everything I know to do to not only beat the beast, but thrive in a bigger way than I ever expected of myself. I love my life! I am grateful for so much! My mistake added about 2 miles to my hike, taking me from 11 to 13 miles, but I did it! And…I love taking my clothes off at alpine lakes!
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Filed under: cancer, coaching, Love | Tags: Cancer, Choices, Empower, Encouragement, Gratitude, Hope, Inspiration, Love, Perspective
This morning, an old friend called while I was in the shower. Multiple times. When we did connect, I asked, in a more excited voice than most, “Hey! How are you?”
He started to respond “Ohhhhhh man,” It sounded like I was going to get a lot of complaining, then something shifted “No! Wait. I AM SO much better, now that I’m hearing your voice. Is there anyone on the planet who wouldn’t say that?”
I can think of many people who would disagree with that. Him included…many years ago. (Grammar police – is ‘him’ correct? It doesn’t sound right.)
I’m pretty sure the biggest tumor took the filter out of my mouth as it died. It’s been gone for many years, and if I were to guess, probably as far back as 2004 when things were at their worst. There are times I’m able to consciously not swear during a conversation with someone I doubt knows those words, but it’s not easy! I usually say what I’m thinking, while I’m thinking it.
I know people don’t want to be called out on their shit, but not being held accountable doesn’t help anyone, does it? When I do that, they’re not always receptive, but I hope they think about it later and correct whatever it was they wanted to be held accountable for to begin with.
It was a blessing to hear that I still affect him in a positive way after all of our past stuff.
Now I’m asking you. How are you?
Painted Love rocks
I was listening to a talk yesterday. They said that whenever we feel discomfort, it’s because we aren’t living the life we have already grown into. We’ve developed our gifts, but aren’t sharing them with the world the way we could. What are you withholding from this amazing world? Share your gifts from your heart. Try it! See how the discomfort melts away…
Love, gratitude and blessings
~Susan
Susan WonderStone's Blog 